Though we already knew, it just made it that much real hearing it confirmed by a medical professional. To be honest, it still doesn't seem completely real. At moments, it feels surreal and I just can't believe it's really happening. Other times, it just seems too real. I am so full of emotions that I can't even keep track of what I am feeling, or thinking. I suppose that is normal for a first time mom.
I am scared. Not scared of having a baby, just scared. I am mostly scared of the medical aspects of it and telling everyone I know. I don't fare well with needles and check ups and gross things, hah! As far as telling everyone, thankfully my family and friends are some of the most supportive people around. I know they will be happy for us, there is a just a scared feeling at the thought of telling everyone. I am also scared of not being everything this baby deserves. All I can do is try my best and bring this baby into a world of love and happiness.
I am excited. I am excited to bring life into this world. I am excited God trusts me with such a blessing. I know we are young, but I am confident that we are ready for this. Sure, I had my moment of breaking down and freaking out. That passed fairly quickly. If God thinks I am ready, I must be ready. I am extremely excited to see Justin as a daddy. I know he will be so great at it. I can't wait to find out what we are having, to decide on a name, paint a nursery, have a baby shower, rub my big belly. All of it! Through all of the nervousness and everything, it is so exciting.
I am nervous. I am nervous at everything that will change in the next 8 months and beyond. I am nervous at people's, especially mine and Justin's parents, reactions. It easier said than done to not care what people think. I am telling my sister first tomorrow, which should make me feel better. She can relate, and I know she will be excited since she has been telling me constantly to make Wyatt a little cousin. I am nervous about money, health, moving, leaving my job. I just hope that we can handle everything and create a perfect environment for baby to begin his/her little life in. I want the very best for this little one I just found out about, and I will make sure he/she gets just that.
Most of all, I am full of love. I am seeing Justin in a whole new light. He is so excited, sending me little messages like "I am so glad we are having a baby!" and "I can't wait to meet him/her!!" Seeing him excited and so supportive completely eases my nervousness. I love him, and feel so lucky to have him. I love this little growing life inside of me. I didn't know it was possible to feel SO much love for a baby that I just found out about, and doesn't even have a little beating heart yet. It is almost overwhelming, in the very best way.
I am blessed. Very much so.
With Love,
Brittany Danielle
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